i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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