No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
