i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
