I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
