True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
