So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
