Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
