How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
