I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
