I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize