So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
