Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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