I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
