so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
