At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
