The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
