Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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