I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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