Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
