I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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