Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
