I smell stomach acid.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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