I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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