drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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