At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
