The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize