Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
