Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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