Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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