ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
