NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
