Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We need a shit load of segways right now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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