Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Randomize
