just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
