Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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