i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
