i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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