Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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