Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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