she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He felt like a one man threesome
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
