My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
