OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this is an emotional support booty call
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
