when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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