I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
