Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
