What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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