I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
