btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
