I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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