My first STD was from a foam party
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
