Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
