my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
