on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We are two peas in an std pod
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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