Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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