dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
