Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize