I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
