The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I party with great urgency now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
