He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize