Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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