Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
