i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
