Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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