For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
