New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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