Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
