I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
