i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
