Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize