Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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