I wish I only lived at night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
