"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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